As many of you know we have been in a pandemic for quite some time now. It has brought a lot of fright to people, wondering what’s going to happen, seniors missing out on proms and graduation, and kids missing out on education. Well with all this going on mental health has been on a rise too! I never thought much about mental health because I never really thought much about “feelings”. I always said to myself “someone has it worse, so I have no right to be sad.” Well when March 13th my senior skip day, not having the thought that I was missing my last day of school it didn’t really hit me because no one knew how bad it was going to be.
During quarantine, I was already going through a hard time because my mom was in the hospital, and my dad was constantly working so it was just me and all my thoughts. Once again, recall I voided out all of my feelings because I never thought they were valid. Through days and days of staying in bed and not doing anything because let us be honest what could really be don’t then anyways. One of my teachers reached out to me because she knew what I was going through and I talked to her a little. Still not realizing the importance of talking about my feelings I just kept on hiding the fact that I was not okay. My car parade graduation came and went without my parents. For your information the parade was awesome, but that’s beside the fact. Summer came and I started to feel a little better because the weather was warm and I hung out with my friends every day. What I didn’t know was that you aren’t truly happy if you have to distract yourself from your life. If you aren’t happy alone you aren’t truly happy, BUT I thought I was. As summer went on I was having a great time spending it with my friends because it was my last time having fun with my friends before I left for basic training.
I left on August 31st thinking it is what I need to get away from all that is going on with my life. I was so happy to be going, but still sad because I was leaving my friends and their families and also my family too. Fast forward to getting to Fort Leonard Wood Missouri and having to quarantine for 2 weeks because of Covid. I was only allowed to come out of where I slept with 70 other females for 3 Neal otherwise I was up there the whole day. No phones, no exercising, no going outside, and no talking to someone if you were having a problem. You can only imagine how that went. Well through those 2 weeks I started to get very anxious and I would just pace for hours upon hours and I didn’t know why I was doing it and what was going on with me. That led me to get very sad and just want to be anywhere, but there. We get out of quarantine and. My battle buddy talked to the Drill Sergeant about how she was concerned about me and the next thing I know I am in a psychiatric ward. I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace but never that bad of the wrong headspace.
Through my stay there (2 weeks) I learned that all the things I was doing at home: excessive planning, exercising, making everything perfect, and trying to control everything I could were all symptoms of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder otherwise known as OCD. When I was there I was convinced I was fine and could go back to training. Through my 2 week stay, I learned a lot about myself and the importance of mental health. Like I said I was convinced it was fine and whatnot so I kept refusing medicine for my anxiety. I don’t know why I thought there was always a taboo about taking meds for mental health illnesses. It wasn’t like it was a bad medicine either it was a super light one that would just help me. After I was done being suborn I took it and had a chance. It helped me a lot and still does today. I met a lot of great people there who weren’t “crazy” they were like me. They went there not knowing they had something wrong with them. Some of those people I am still friends with today.
Through this experience, I learned the importance of mental health and that talking to someone who is a “therapist” isn’t bad. Sometimes you need to, so you know you are okay. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be talking to someone about my “feelings”. The same goes for being on medicine. If this whole thing didn’t happen I don’t think I would have gotten the help I didn’t know I needed. Everything happens for a reason. The outcome of that experience is I went home not being able to continue training, but I found a love for psychology and hopefully will get to pursue the job of being a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Things may not go the way you want, but you can’t let that hold you back. I am grateful this happened to me because who knows what would have happened if it didn’t.
To relate this back to my theme which is health and medicine. The power of talking to someone for your medicine is underrated because it has helped me tremendously and I help my friends through this experience because they come to talk to me about how they are feeling. I will also bring up taking medicine for a mental illness isn’t something ANYONE should be ashamed of! I know it is easier said than done trust me. If you should trust anyone on that it should be me because my whole life I always thought being on medicine was bad. I have had ADHD my whole life but have gone I medicated my whole life because I could control it well with exercise and whatnot. I am still controlling it without medication but for my anxiety, I do not think I could control it without medicine. So, if you take anything for this please know that it is okay to get help and be on medicine. Nobody will judge you, trust me!